Many of you may have heard of, or been linked to an article entitled The Top Seven Butterbodies
on Spike. That link does not go to the article mentioned, as I do not wish to boost the site's views/rank on Google. The article is disgusting, chastising several of Hollywood's most beautiful women for being "butterbodies", or women who have let themselves go. Many people have already said this, but I call bullshit.
First off, let's take a look at some of the women he singles out, shall we?
Sara Ramirez, whom Nicky-boy refers to as "pudgy" and takes her to task for not doing what, apparently, all "big-boned" women do when they achieve fame, and slim down.
Does this look like someone who is "pudgy"? I see a gorgeous woman with hips to die for and um... huge tracts of land. Basically, a gorgeous, confident woman.
Next up, we have one of my favorite actresses, Drew Barrymore:
I've had a crush on Miss Drew since I was 5 and saw her in Babes in Toyland. Drew is a woman with beautiful wide cheekbones and a smokin' figure. Please tell me how she is fat? I really don't see it at all.
One more for your comparison: Miss Mandy Moore.
I just don't get it. How is this bubbly beautiful woman even on this list? *Look* at her body! Look at her tiny waist! Look at her bust, look at her hips! She is wonderfully proportioned and anyone who says she is fat is flat out lying to themselves.
You are free to click through links and look at the article itself, but please believe me when I say that each of the women that he singled out for disparagement is considered a paragon of good looks in Hollywood. Now, how about we have a look at the man who considers himself an expert on the female form, and perfectly qualified to make asshole judgments on them, shall we?
Nick Coles, people! First off, before I even get started on his looks, let me point out that I found this picture in the fourth ranked page on a Google search for his name. The article on Spike was posted less than a week ago; the blog post mocking him was posted 4 days ago. And it is already ranked fourth on Google search. Hooray internet!
Now I am going to get to his looks. Please understand that under normal circumstances I would say that the... ahem, gentleman in question is fine in appearance. However! Since he has taken it upon himself to dissect the looks of various Hollywood women, I feel that he has left himself open to criticism.
First off, the neck beard? Not even Kevin Smith, god bless him, can pull that off. It is disgusting. It makes me think of too many days without showering, and a general lack of care regarding hygiene that extends to god knows where. If he cannot be bothered to shave his neck then god save me from ever having to know whatever care he does or does not apply to his nether regions. Jungle wilds are not attractive, just so you know.
Speaking of hair, what is up with the exposed chest hair? Seriously! It brings to mind a sweaty middle-aged man wearing a stained wife-beater and drinking a beer at 2 in the afternoon. This may be some people's cup of tea, but it definitely is not mine.
On to the next flaw! What is up with the double chin? More precisely, what is up with his headshot posing to exacerbate the double-chin? Most people I know, myself included, who are prone to double-chins in photographs have learned how to position their heads so it does not show. But not Nicky Coles! Which suggests that he either is so confident that he feels no need to hide it, or is so delusional regarding his looks that he doesn't know to. Personally, I'm leaning toward the latter.
Basically, this completely average, if not below average man feels himself qualified to talk shit about beautiful women and in turn, every woman in America. He is perfectly fine with attempting to take these women down a notch, and while doing so make many American women question their own beauty and desirability. Basically, fuck you Nick Coles. Here's hoping this article ensures you never get laid again.